He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
The air was thick with penises
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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