my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
