I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
