final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
