Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
