I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
