i'm signing you up for texting rehab
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
