so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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