She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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