Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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