she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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