haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Randomize
