Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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