It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize