i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize