I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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