his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
