you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Randomize
