apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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