and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
What a dumb baby whore.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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