Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize