i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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