Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
