i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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