I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
