It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
