I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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