and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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