i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
