Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
