I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize