wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
