what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize