Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
