I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
