y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
