Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
