i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
sex in a hospital.. check
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
