dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
