apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Is it penis luge time yet?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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