I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
