he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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