im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
