omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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