And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
