Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
