oh god the rape fog is back!
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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