An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
