you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
