Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
