i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
