I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
