sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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