I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
