i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize
