JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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