I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
