Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
