is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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