Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
