Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
