I want to have your abortion
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
