My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
