I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
