Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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