I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
