ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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