she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
