At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
