Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
