um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
