$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
