I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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