come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
