someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
