you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
he shaved USA in his pubs
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
