woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
