For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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