I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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