The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i can't believe i had my finger in that
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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