The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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