We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
