I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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