She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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