matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
no, he came in my armpit
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
