do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
