her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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