Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
