oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
