The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
