Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I can text with my tongue
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
