There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
