the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
