I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize
