I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
