The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
