My nipple is on Facebook.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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