Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
from now on my penis is your penis
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
