the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
