The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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