Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
