Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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