farters have to be the big spoon...
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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