just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
