after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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