just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
